Condom slogans: (1) Cover your stump before you hump; (2) Don't be silly, protect your Willie; (3) Don't make a mistake, cover your snake; (4) Don't be a fool, cover your tool; (5) Wrap that tool before you drool; (6) Plug your funnel , then enter the tunnel; (7) If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.
A man says to his wife "I want some kinky sex - how about if I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man says "I've been shooting my load in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"
I went to a new doctor the other day and found out she was a drop dead gorgeous female. I was embarrassed, but she said "Don't worry, I am a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong, and I'll help you in any way I can." I said, "I think my dick tastes funny."
A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and climbed into bed when his wife, as usual, complained "I have a headache." "Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository. It's up to you."
A woman was standing in a crowded hotel elevator when a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast. The man apologized, and said "I'm sorry. But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you will forgive me." So the woman replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 213."
When I first noticed that my dick was growing larger, I was delighted, as was my wife. But after several weeks, it had grown 50 centimeters. I started to become concerned, as I was having problems dressing, and even walking. So the wife and I went to see a urologist. After the examination, the doctor explained that although rare, my condition, known as Donkey Doodle, could be fixed through corrective surgery. "How long will he be on crutches?" my wife asked anxiously. "Why would he need crutches?" asked the doctor. "Well", said the wife coldly, "you are going to lengthen his legs, aren't you?"
A husband and wife were sitting watching TV when he said "Honey, tell me something that will make me happy and sad all at the same time." She said "You have the biggest dick of all your friends."
Two old drunks were sitting in a bar when the first one says, "when I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn't bend it, even using both hands. By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees, if I tried really hard. By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about forty five degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be sixty next week, and now I can bend it in half with just one hand." "So", says the second drunk, "what's your point?" To which the first drunk replies, "well, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get."
A married couple goes to see a marriage counselor to work out some problems. The counselor sits them down and says "Lets start by talking about what you both have in common." The husband says "Well for starters, neither one of us will suck a dick."
Porn News:
03-04-11: Exquisite Films will release a double disc edition of "Rezervoir Doggs XXX: An Exquisite Films Paradoy" on April 25 which will include a soft core edited party version. Cast members include Kimberly Kane, Andy San Dimas, Raylene, Lizzy Borden, Zoey Holloway and Chanel Preston.
02-28-11; Wicked Pictures has released "Private Loads", a couples DVD. The DVD features five sex scenes, and stars Jessica Drake and Rocco Reed. Other female performers include Brooke Banner, Marie Luv and Devon Lee,
02-24-11: Sin City released "Dripping Loads 3" this week. Performers include Dylan Ryder, Tanya James, Dana DeArmond, Taylor Tilden, Kierra King and Monroe Valentino.
02-15-11: A viral video made by a fan of Fleshlight received some attention this week from the Comedy Central show. The video was made a few years ago by a man named Scott, who revisited the classic promo on the show and talked about his current Fleshlight related hobbies and his love life. Click here to see the video.
02-02-11: Smash Pictures will release its all girl HD film "Finger Lickin Girlfriends" on February 17. Click here for a trailer.
01-28-11;Penthouse studios announced it will roll out its first 3D release in late February. The release is titled " Real Porn Stars of Chatsworth", starring 2011 Penthouse Pet of the Year Nikki Benz.
01-19-11;Pimproll has launched its latest site, Spin on My Cock, featuring a spinning fuck table for 360 degree pussy penetration.
Upoming Porn Events :
Adultcon #20: Los Angeles Convention Center 3/25-2011 - 3/27/2011
Three day expo where fans can shop for new and exciting adult products and services and meet their favorite adult entertainers.
Club Owners Expo: Mirage Resort & Casino, Las Vegas 8/21/2011 - 8/24/2011
Three days of workshops and panel discussions for those involved in the management of gentlemen's clubs.
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